Great advice and lots of things to think about! I wanted to share another perspective on the elementary schooler advice to avoid the phrase "we can't afford it." I actually copied and pasted this quote from an old magazine of my Dad's because it really resonated with me:
"Four magic words, 'we can’t afford it,' should be a part of every child’s education. A child who has never heard those words – or also has never been forced to abide by their meaning – has surely been cheated by his parents. As exercise strengthens the body, frugality strengthens the spirit. Without its occasional discipline, character suffers.”
As a family who generally has the money for needs and wants, I think it's actually really important for my kids to hear "we can't afford it" - or, at least, "that's not how we're choosing to spend our money right now." Of course we don't want to transfer money stress to our kids, but I think we can help them understand that life has trade-offs. I definitely heard this from my parents growing up, and I think it really benefitted me. Just offering another perspective!
Oh, I agree with you. If you can use that phrase without placing the emotional weight of scarcity onto a young child, by all means. I would prefer the term “we choose not to spend our money on that right now” in the specific scenario I laid out in the post for that age group. But generally speaking, we should not hide financial realities from our kids. Thanks for reading and your thoughtful reply!!
I’ve seen this from both sides as someone who inherited odd money patterns and as a coach helping people untangle the ones they’re passing on without realizing it. Just wrote about this same topic. It matters more than people think.
We are right there with you, Greg. We’ve lived it, and we try to help people who don’t even realize they’re doing it, too. Thanks for reading and sharing!!
Really helpful breakdown of how we can start talking to our kids early about money...my 4 year old also believes Amazon prime makes anything magically appear, but we also already have him saving up his money and investing (that's his grandpa's idea so I take no credit for it). Thanks for sharing your account with me - a very valuable read to follow.
This is great! I used babysitting money to save up for a trip to Orlando to see my best friend who lived there in middle school. In college I used a summer job to take my dad and myself to California. One thing my parents did once I had steady income in high school as a church nursery employee and date-night babysitter was completely “own” paying for certain budget lines: gas, clothes and general fun money. They still covered the big stuff like most of undergrad and car insurance, but I very slowly dropped the categories of things I asked my parents for money for, which I think was important baby step in shaping my own sense of personal freedom and financial independence down the road. I wasn’t accustomed, once I was in college or afterward, to asking my parents to pay for things I had the means to cover myself. And if I couldn’t cover all the things I wanted, I just figured out a different way to spend my time or stretch my dollars. It’s not like I couldn’t ask them for help if I needed it but it wasn’t a lever I was used to pulling.
Absolutely. This is an awesome example of how it doesn’t have to be black and white - they knew you were earning money and able to make decisions with that money, while still supporting you as needed. I did the same, btw. Always had part-time work through hs and college and steady babysitting jobs. It felt good to spend money as I saw fit!
Great advice and lots of things to think about! I wanted to share another perspective on the elementary schooler advice to avoid the phrase "we can't afford it." I actually copied and pasted this quote from an old magazine of my Dad's because it really resonated with me:
"Four magic words, 'we can’t afford it,' should be a part of every child’s education. A child who has never heard those words – or also has never been forced to abide by their meaning – has surely been cheated by his parents. As exercise strengthens the body, frugality strengthens the spirit. Without its occasional discipline, character suffers.”
As a family who generally has the money for needs and wants, I think it's actually really important for my kids to hear "we can't afford it" - or, at least, "that's not how we're choosing to spend our money right now." Of course we don't want to transfer money stress to our kids, but I think we can help them understand that life has trade-offs. I definitely heard this from my parents growing up, and I think it really benefitted me. Just offering another perspective!
Oh, I agree with you. If you can use that phrase without placing the emotional weight of scarcity onto a young child, by all means. I would prefer the term “we choose not to spend our money on that right now” in the specific scenario I laid out in the post for that age group. But generally speaking, we should not hide financial realities from our kids. Thanks for reading and your thoughtful reply!!
I’ve seen this from both sides as someone who inherited odd money patterns and as a coach helping people untangle the ones they’re passing on without realizing it. Just wrote about this same topic. It matters more than people think.
We are right there with you, Greg. We’ve lived it, and we try to help people who don’t even realize they’re doing it, too. Thanks for reading and sharing!!
Really helpful breakdown of how we can start talking to our kids early about money...my 4 year old also believes Amazon prime makes anything magically appear, but we also already have him saving up his money and investing (that's his grandpa's idea so I take no credit for it). Thanks for sharing your account with me - a very valuable read to follow.
Thanks so much, Katie! We’re so glad you’re here!
This is great! I used babysitting money to save up for a trip to Orlando to see my best friend who lived there in middle school. In college I used a summer job to take my dad and myself to California. One thing my parents did once I had steady income in high school as a church nursery employee and date-night babysitter was completely “own” paying for certain budget lines: gas, clothes and general fun money. They still covered the big stuff like most of undergrad and car insurance, but I very slowly dropped the categories of things I asked my parents for money for, which I think was important baby step in shaping my own sense of personal freedom and financial independence down the road. I wasn’t accustomed, once I was in college or afterward, to asking my parents to pay for things I had the means to cover myself. And if I couldn’t cover all the things I wanted, I just figured out a different way to spend my time or stretch my dollars. It’s not like I couldn’t ask them for help if I needed it but it wasn’t a lever I was used to pulling.
Absolutely. This is an awesome example of how it doesn’t have to be black and white - they knew you were earning money and able to make decisions with that money, while still supporting you as needed. I did the same, btw. Always had part-time work through hs and college and steady babysitting jobs. It felt good to spend money as I saw fit!