The Summer We Turned Housemates
Why sharing a summer house with friends might be the best thing you do all year
For the past three Augusts, our family has packed up and headed down to the Jersey Shore with friends for a week of beach life. What started as a simple summer vacay has become a beloved tradition that our four collective daughters look forward to each year. Our families became close friends when our oldests were in preschool together, and although life has taken us to different schools, activities, circles, etc., our annual escape offers us all a week of uninterrupted fun and reconnection. For the parents, it’s also a reminder that summer vacation doesn’t have to mean going at it alone.
I am willing to admit that I resisted joint family vacations for a long time. When the kids were young, it honestly felt like more work, and we were pretty set in our way of doing things. We like to eat what we want to eat; sleep when we want to sleep; you get the idea. But now that the youngest of our crew is six (hi, Roobs!), the fun and joy of a shared vacation home far outweighs any drama we could face.
The kids are thrilled to have all-day, built-in playmates from their morning scrambled eggs through night swims in the pool. We laugh over shared meals, have spontaneous dance performances, bury each other in the sand, and craft every day during Craft Hour, which I strategically schedule during happy hour. As parents, we get our fill of meaningful conversation, cold drinks, and the joy of watching the girls grow up together. In the spirit of The Summer I Turned Pretty, Rachel and I always say, “We’ll always have Avalon.”
One of the things I love the most about our summer house is that I actually get to relax. We all do. Sometimes when our family vacations, I come home feeling more exhausted than when we left, either because it’s a go-go-go-type trip or just because Doug and I feel like we’ve got to be on for many days straight with no breaks to breathe. But when you vacation with another family, something magical happens: the village comes with you. My friend and I are so similar that it literally feels like there’s two of me there. We both low-key love to clean. We take pride in prepping and packing our multi-course beach lunches. If Doug and I want to sneak out for a beach walk? They’ve got eyes on the kids. If they want to exercise? We got breakfast covered. Especially as a mom, there’s an ease and flexibility that comes with knowing you’re not doing it all yourself.
Though it’s not the primary reason we do it, we also save on costs. As you can imagine, beach rentals aren’t cheap. Splitting the costs of the house gives us access to larger homes, closer to the beach, with pools. And when the costs for groceries, paper goods, bevvies, and beach gear are communal, you end up not only saving money but wasting a lot less. Economies of scale are a beautiful thing.
However, I don’t want to paint too rosy of a picture without acknowledging the obvious: not every family should vacation together. If they’re not a good fit, things could south, so you’ve got to really understand yourselves and the other family before you send in that deposit.
I thought about the reasons why we travel so well with these particular friends and distilled them into questions for you to consider—maybe even together, alongside the other family, before you commit.
Should your families vacation together?
Do you have the same budget? Neither of you should feel like you’re financially stretching or settling to make this vacation happen. If you are, you might not be happy with the house or get what you want out of it. That, or it’ll keep coming up, and that’s awkward for everyone.
Are your expectations aligned? Discuss in advance how you want to spend your time: are you “beach all day” people or repulsed by the sand? Do you like having dinner reservations or prefer to wing it? You want to be on the same page for the majority of the time, or it will defeat the purpose of staying together.
Are your parenting styles compatible? Oooh baby, this is a big one. You might not even be able to discuss it—it might be better off observed. True, no two families are exactly alike. Kids have their own personalities and needs. I could list off a dozen ways parents approach their children differently, but I won’t, out of fear anyone will think I’m judging them. Let’s just leave this with, you know what I’m talking about. Make sure it’s a good fit.
How will you approach splitting bills? Are you more of the “bean counter” type or “you get this one, and I’ll get the next one?” We’re pretty much good with using round numbers and letting it all work itself out in the wash. But imagine vacationing with another couple who’s super stressed about that—it would definitely dampen their time.
Will feelings get hurt if you want family time? I’m a big proponent of recognizing when we need a break. None of us live communally at home. Sometimes, one or all of us need some independent family time to level-set. That or one our families really wants to do something that the other one doesn’t. That has to be okay. It’s not that deep. But I think it’s better you both understand that upfront, so it doesn’t have to become a whole thing for no reason.
Sharing a summer rental is so much more than a cost-saving travel hack. It lets you live out the kind of communal, connected life we don’t get to in the hustle of our regular routines. And when the kids are older, they’ll look at these weeks and remember them vividly: the sand between their toes, giggles down the hallway, and friendships that grew stronger by the water. The only thing they won’t have are cute brothers to fight over. Though I think, the dads are fine with leaving that part out of our summer trilogy.
Do you vacation with another family? Any successes or horror stories to share? We want to hear them! Reach out!
My 40th birthday tour came to a close over the weekend with an epic birthday bash. I got everything I asked for: dancing, at a dive bar, in denim. I showed up like a true passenger princess, having done almost no planning, and everything went off without a hitch. Doug crushed it. I love him. Now, we just need to get Hazel home from camp for one last candle to make all my wishes come true. Thank you to everyone who reached out - I am so grateful for your readership, friendship, and support.
TJA in the news
Doug spoke with CNBC about the trickiness of investing in Trump’s tariff era.
Also, I contributed to Hello Prenup about the value of building financial intimacy before marriage. Check it out, and ICYMI, our podcast with them was fun, too.
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We visit family abroad each year. Though there's a time difference and a lot of planning (and et lag!) involved, it does make a difference to have cousins around to play with our kid and to get some adult time (and meals made by family members - no groceries to get, no cooking, no clean up!). It feels like we've gone back in time to dating/honeymoon time when we were kid-free. And we get all the feels from being around family again, in our old hood (we met abroad and lived with and very near my husband's family). This is a great idea, glad it works out for your families!
Your vacation sounds like a very healthy old-school approach to connection and cooperation. It makes me wonder how far this type of arrangement could scale, with the demands of “normal” life. More and more I read about creative decisions for collective living, and they make a lot of sense in many ways. What if you could build this with kindred spirits?