Big Birthday Energy
40 lessons about life, love, and money that belong on a bumper sticker, mug, or tote bag
A couple weeks ago, renowned mentalist Oz Perlman ran 43 miles for his 43rd birthday. We are not the same. While I did complete the “Couch to 5K” running program during my pandemic mid-life crisis, I’ve been approaching my 40th birthday this Saturday with a longer runway than that.
Walking away from the safety of my corporate career in 2022 gave me the gift of time to figure out what I wanted my future to look like; not only in a professional sense but a personal one. It’s true, those concepts are intertwined in our family. But from the very start of our time officially working together, Douglas insisted that I needed to sort out what I wanted. What would make me happy. What would feel like enough.
There was no deadline for this pursuit. But given how many lessons revealed themselves in the earlier years of my thirties—transformative lessons on identity and equity in the face of new motherhood—I can admit that I’d been quietly telling myself that I needed my late thirties to count. I wanted all the big mistakes, big disappointments, big risks, big fears, big love, to come together into something that made sense. And while it has, please don’t think I am about to placate you with some version of “everything happens for a reason.”
I made this work out. I made it count.
What makes me emotional is realizing that I am about to have everything I wished for on my 25th birthday, but getting here looked nothing like I thought it would. The lines were not straight—they were sideways, at best. Even both of my pregnancies were filled with surprises.
Perhaps this is what’s turned me into one of those women who love offering unsolicited advice to younger people. I catch myself doing this now, and it always makes me giggle. Damn, I think, when did I become old enough to offer advice?
On the other hand, I’ve always been an old soul. I remember sifting the shallow waters of the early internet for Ralph Waldo Emerson quotes to write in my notebooks. As a tween, I read a ton of the Chicken Soup books and had banger AIM away messages—shallow at times, but sage for my age!
Whether any of this qualifies me for what I’m about to offer you is unclear. But I can assure you, no ChatGPT was used in the making of these Heather Boneparth Platitudes of Life, Love, and Money™. It’s all me, caught in my sappiness, hoping to share with you 40 lessons on what I believe matters most. And hopefully, because it’s almost my birthday, you’ll read on.
40 Lessons on Life, Love, and Money
Your story is your story. No one can diminish or take away from what you lived.
The plot of the story can change. So can you.
How you cope is not who you are. Your behaviors might just be you trying to make sense of past trauma or pain.
There is no normal. We just normalize certain things to feel accepted.
Keep receipts—especially when you’re worried something might go wrong!
Guilt and shame aren’t the same thing. Guilt can be productive. Shame will bury you.
Forgive yourself. You’re allowed to evolve.
Talk about everything. Go there.
Forgive others when you can, even if just for selfish reasons. Holding onto resentment hurts you the most.
There’s a time and a place for important conversations. Don’t force the wrong ones at the wrong times.
Time is the most valuable currency we have.
In my animal era (RIP Maggie, best pup ever). Investing in your health > investing in your appearance. But like, feel free to do both.
You can find friends anywhere (not just your children’s preschool).
You don’t need the safety of large, cohesive friend group to feel loved and cared for.
Figure out who sits on your board of directors. Honor their opinions.
Communities must be watered. You should give to them to take from them.
The internet is awesome. It’s also dangerous and dumb.
Don’t drink wine past 7pm unless you want to scroll the internet at 3:30am.
Hosting is great. Being hosted is also great.
Celebrating your small wins conditions you to recognize your bigger ones.
Ambition isn’t a program. It’s personal. You get to decide what satiates you.
Be creative. Find hobbies. Use your hands. Touch grass.
When something smells fishy, it probably is. (Figuratively speaking. Open the window when you cook fish.)
The best compromises leave everyone a little uncomfortable.
It shouldn’t feel threatening to disagree with someone.
In making connections, ask early and often, “How can I support you?”
Risk isn’t black and white—it’s a sliding scale of comfort.
Shoes can be impractical but not uncomfortable!
You only know what you know (and there’s a lot you don’t know).
If you keep swapping glasses for larger ones, you’ll never know when you’re quenched.
Power isn’t something you find. It’s something you create.
This guy’s been around for a lot of it. Motherhood is holding many truths at once. It is exhausting and terrifying and heartbreaking and beautiful and validating and the greatest thing I’ve ever done.
Caregivers are providers. Caregivers are providers. Caregivers are providers.
Your employer is not your family. (Well, ours is, but most of yours are not!)
Dying on a hill sometimes does not make you stubborn. Doing it all the time does.
Know your worth. Get paid. (Die on that hill.)
You’re allowed to splurge on some dumb joy once in a while.
Preparing for anything is always better than betting on one thing.
Be curious about others. Never stop asking questions.
Love, not money, creates the legacy you want.
Well, how did I do? Should I open an Etsy shop or what?
Many of the lessons above are distilled from Money Together and the interviews, research, and time I spent on the project. If this intrigues you about the book and you are simultaneously thinking, I’d love to wish Heather a happy 40th birthday. . .the best way to do that would be to pre-order our book! I’m learning how critical pre-orders are to launching a successful book campaign, so if you’ve been thinking you’ll just wait ‘til next-day delivery’s available, I kindly ask you to hit that button today instead.
Thank you all so much for your readership, friendship, and support. Catch you in my next decade!
Have any sage wisdom for my forties? You know we love to hear from you!
Over the weekend, I took my own advice to touch some grass and brought Ruby and Doug to a local farm, where we met some animals, took in a bubble show, and picked wild flowers. I’ve always wanted to do that (the flowers, not the bubble show). Leading up to this weekend’s big milestone, I’ve given myself a month of saying yes. I wouldn’t trade any of it, except for getting Hazel home to celebrate, which will happen very soon.
TJA in the news
In an off-topic-but-on-brand moment, I spoke with Yahoo Life about being a member of the Clean Hands Club, and why I buy Touchlands for the girls.
Also, Doug wrote a piece for Investopedia on the strategic benefits of ETFs, even for high-net-worth clients.
Money Together: chapter preview for financial advisors!
Are you a financial advisor? Would you like a free chapter of Money Together? Well, we’d love to send you one. All you need to do is e-mail us your request and the name of your firm. It’s that easy!
Shameless plugs
Our book site is LIVE! Click here for more info on Money Together and how to have us come chat with your organization!
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And don’t forget, our forthcoming book, Money Together: How to find fairness in your relationship and become an unstoppable financial team, arrives October 28, 2025. You can pre-order your copy now!
Find us on social: @dougboneparth + @averagejoelle :)
The content shared in The Joint Account does not constitute financial, legal, or any other professional advice. Readers should consult with their respective professionals for specific advice tailored to their situation.
Happy Birthday! Milestone birthdays are really special. Your 40 lessons are inspiring and so many resonated with me, especially "The plot of your story can change. So can you." That is golden. If someone had told me when I turned 40 what my life would look like in my early 60s, I would have been shocked, thankfully in a good way! Wishing you all the best.
Needed this. Thanks for this wonderful piece. Loved the pictures -- you had a Wheaton, they are THE BEST! Happy 40th!