Hi, friends. Our apologies for missing last week’s newsletter, but we have been deep in the pre-launch press for Money Together, which comes out one week from today!
When authors say they can “hardly believe” their book is about to enter the world, it’s because something that began as a nebulous idea—first to you, and perhaps still, to everyone else—is about to be real to everyone. It exists in final form. Rather than continuing to shape these ideas, you shift to talking about an existing thing, frozen in time on the page. For better or worse, it’s unbelievable, because you never really think it’s done. And now, all you can do is explain this thing that’s done and hope that people understand.
We are very fortunate to be recording interviews with many of the best podcasts in the finance space. After a while, you start to anticipate a fair number of the questions, but then, a question will catch you by surprise. Last week, we were asked a question that really stood out. Afterwards, it stayed with me enough that I wanted to write this for all of you.
In essence, the question was, why us? Why should we, a couple who met as freshmen in college, be the ones to offer relationship advice?
The host was trying to make a point about how most of her peers have been in several serious (and not-so-serious) relationships. And perhaps, those individuals could be viewed as having more experience and bringing more context to their marriage or committed partnership, because they’ve been emotionally intimate with more people and have learned more lessons along the way.
I’m not upset by the question. Indeed, people love to hear from those rising from the ashes of heartbreak. Look at Jen Hatmaker’s new bestselling memoir, Awake, which details her experience through infidelity and personal self-reckoning into a new chapter of growth and consciousness. As a reader, I do understand that yearning to glimpse into other people’s pain as a way to make sense of your own. It’s a cope many of us are familiar with, both in real life and in what we choose to consume.
In the context of Money Together, we shared that we lived the life cycle of some marriages before getting married. We took big risks—in Douglas moving to New York City to attempt to renew a relationship I was convinced was over. We made big mistakes—in me treating everyone I cared about (and myself) like garbage in my early twenties. We loved big—in the fact that when we said we were giving each other a real shot at forgiveness, a real shot at a path forward, we meant every word of it. Not because we thought it would just work out (I hate passive statements like this), but because we wanted to figure it out and start our adults lives anew.
If this book was a memoir of my life in the millennial aughts, we’d have a Hulu deal by now, but it’s not. The stories we share with you are about money, power, and identity, and how these themes play out in our lives and the lives of others. They’re also about love, and how when you fight for that love, you can fix a lot of what’s broken. Even you.
We show you lots of our mess in the book, so it’s not like I feel compelled to prove any further why we are so well-suited for the job we assumed. But I do hope this newsletter answers some questions for anyone who catches one of our interviews and wonders, why am I reading the Boneparths’ stories, or, how in the world could you work with your spouse and write a book about you and your spouse, because isn’t that all a bit meta?
I want readers to know that we’ve gotten it wrong many times, and I’m sure, we’ll get something wrong again. But a relationship doesn’t need to end to learn from it. (Maybe it should, but let’s talk about that another day.) You can make mistakes, you can grow up, and you can realize that having each other is a bigger part of your enough than you once knew.
There is no perfect couple. There is no one story you should be learning from.
This is why we spent all those months speaking to different couples about their lives. Our hope is that you will see yourself in slivers of the stories we share, but it doesn’t mean they were the only stories, or even the best stories we heard. It pains me to have left some brilliant, emotional conversations on the cutting room floor. The ones we share drive home the points we want to illustrate on topics we think you can relate to the most. But everyone who showed up and shared was so brave. All their stories mattered.
Money Together begins with a chapter titled, “Your Story = Your Story.” From the very start, we want couples to understand both the impact of their own self-awareness and the value of learning about their partner’s lived experiences. It’s a simple concept but one that opens the door to curiosity, understanding, and ultimately, a willingness to make room for what you both need.
Just because one of you had it worse doesn’t mean that story matters more to your relationship. However each of you felt, you felt.
As we gear up for a launch that’s felt years—or in my case, a lifetime—in the making, I just wanted to tell you the thing that interview left me wanting to say: our story isn’t the one that should matter most to you.
Yours is.
Thank you for being here. Thank you for sharing your stories. Thank you for receiving ours.
With one week left, we hope you’ll consider pre-ordering our book, which the snail mail fairies will hopefully fly over to you on or around October 28th, or you can press a button and hear the sweet sounds of my soothing voice in the audiobook right away. EEK! IT’S TIME!
People keep asking us what “fair” means in the context of relationships. Well, it looks something like this…
Douglas REALLY wanted to be a Saja boy for Halloween. He’s been saying it since Netflix released K-Pop Demon Hunters in English. So for a party last weekend, I waddled around all night in a 20-lb. purple wig and latex shorts better suited for a fictional TV character just to make him happy.
I also threw the entire costume in the trash when we got home. (This is not financial advice.)
In the news
For CNBC Make It, I contributed this cautionary tale of five money hurdles couples face and how to move past them.
Douglas and I joined the Common Cents on the Prairie podcast to talk about healing from shame and your money mistakes.
We also joined Farnoosh Torabi on her fantastic So Money podcast, where we talked about faith, finance, and some other stuff we don’t normally say out loud.
Money Together: the final countdown <3
Money Together hits shelves IN ONE WEEK on October 28th. If you’re a reader of The Joint Account and are looking for ways to support us, here’s how:
Pre-order Money Together today.
Invite us to talk love and money for your organization. We can offer a discount for bulk book purchases along with your event!
Leave us a review on launch day.
Share this newsletter with a friend!
Share Money Together on social, and tag us: @averagejoelle, @dougboneparth, and/or @readthejointaccount.
The content shared in The Joint Account does not constitute financial, legal, or any other professional advice. Readers should consult with their respective professionals for specific advice tailored to their situation. The information contained in this post is general in nature and for informational purposes only. It should not be considered as investment advice or as a recommendation of any particular strategy or investment product. This post is not a solicitation or an offer to buy or sell any specific security. Bone Fide Wealth cannot guarantee the accuracy of information from third parties.