You received a bonus. Now what?
Bonuses can be unpredictable, but that doesn't mean they are "found money."
Hi, friends. Doug here. Why didn’t anyone tell me publishing a book and running a wealth management practice would take up so much of my time?! Trust me when I tell you, Heather is unsympathetic to my cause; and rightfully so, because no one has been working harder than her.
Anyway, I’ve missed you, and I know how much you enjoy my more technical personal finance posts. In fact, Heather recently did a poll on Instagram to see what you all enjoy most, and these straight-up money topics ranked quite high. So, I wanted to give you one more before the year ends.
We are officially in bonus season. For the fortunate households that anticipate a meaningful amount of money coming in all at once, it can feel energizing to receive that windfall. But when you treat bonuses as “found money,” you miss a meaningful opportunity to plan around them.
In most financial plans, our firm deliberately leaves bonuses out of regular cash flow. Not because they don’t matter, but because building your lifestyle on income you can’t count on is a recipe for stress, scrambling, and potentially, resentment. So, we plan around using steady income only and let bonuses become something else. Something meaningful that you can make intentional decisions around.
I learned my biggest “what not to do” lesson firsthand in our marriage. Years ago, after Heather received a bonus, I made a joke that it was perfect timing, because I could use the cash to pay my quarterly tax estimates. I was riffing on the fact that I am an entrepreneur, and taxes always seem to come early and often. I’d say I was half kidding, but after the third or fourth time, Heather had heard enough of it.
I didn’t realize that I had unintentionally stripped away what her merit-based bonus meant to her: work, effort, and validation. Instead of celebrating all she achieved that year, I folded her accomplishment into assuaging my own financial stress. I missed the emotional component sitting right in front of me.
Once that registered with some, uh, “help,” we celebrated the work behind her bonus. We acknowledged the effort that went into earning it, and only then did we decide its purpose in our financial lives.
And here is something I now tell clients all the time: build in a release valve. When someone earns a bonus, set aside a small percentage (think ten percent) for something that commemorates the win. Not just random spending. Something intentional that marks the achievement. It could be a dinner. A weekend getaway. A purchase you’ve delayed but kept thinking about. A splurge that says, “This mattered. You did this.” Making this acknowledgment is not frivolous—it’s behavioral finance at work. This moment of joy makes it psychologically easier to channel the remaining ninety percent of the bonus into your short- and long-term financial goals. It keeps you dialed into your plan but honors the work you’re doing. It’s the best of both worlds.
Once you diffuse this emotional time bomb, you can turn to the mechanics.
A bonus is a chance to stabilize your financial life. If you’re holding onto high-interest debt, this is your moment to clear it (and examine why it’s accumulating in the first place). Every month you carry that debt, you pay a premium to your past. Getting rid of it creates real breathing room. If your emergency fund is thin or nonexistent, your bonus gives you a rare opportunity to build it up without putting pressure on your month-to-month lifestyle. Stability is what makes the rest of your financial decisions easier and less emotionally charged.
From there, look ahead. Many retirement plans allow you to contribute a portion of your bonus directly into your 401(k) or equivalent. Some even do this automatically based on your current contribution percentage. If you haven’t maxed out those accounts, using part of your bonus to boost your retirement savings is one of the simplest ways to capture long-term growth.
If you’re already maxed or want more flexibility, consider Roth conversions or investing the bonus in a taxable brokerage account. These dollars can support mid- and long-term goals like future renovations, education planning, career pivots, early retirement, or simply giving yourself more options down the line. Money invested is money working for you, even if the amount feels small or like a one-off in the moment.
Bonuses are unpredictable but your plans for them don’t have to be. When you treat a bonus with intention instead of instinct, you strengthen your finances and your partnership at the same time.
Let’s hear about the fun stuff. If you’re receiving a bonus this season, how will you commemorate it?
*WE NEED YOU (anon, ofc)*
We want to try something new. Many of you tell us about your relationships in private—via email, text, or in person—and what you’re saying is so common and relatable and poignant. We know you’d all benefit from reading more of each other’s stories, so we want to bring this to The Joint Account in the new year.
Hit reply and tell us what’s going on in your world this December: money stuff, holiday stuff, family stuff, relationship stuff.
If you need a place to start, here’s a prompt:
“One thing I hope we can change in the new year is __________.”
Anything we share will always be kept anonymous.
Don’t worry, you can’t scare us. We just spent two years talking to couples about money, and we’ve heard some things! And we want to hear more!
Email: domoneytogether@gmail.com.
It’s not everyday your daughter turns 10. So, instead of wanting a party with her friends, my girl pulled the experience card and drew a trip into the city to see Hamilton on Broadway. She’s a super fan and of course knows every word to every song listed in the Playbill, but there’s nothing like seeing the real thing in person—and boy did her eyes light up! It was incredible to see. HBD, Hazel. We’ll forever get to tell the story of tonight.
The life of a showboy (and girl)
We did our brand-new Money Together keynote for the employees of Flourish Financial in New York City. Bringing the five pillars of our book to life in an interactive way felt unbelievable. If you run or work for an organization that might benefit from having us come in to speak, just reach out!
On the pods: We joined financial therapist Ashely Quamme on her podcast Planning & Beyond to discuss why traditional financial planning often misses the mark with couples and what advisors can do differently. We had a completely unfiltered conversation on work, parenting, income, and power with Priya Malani for her excellent podcast, The F Word. Then, we spoke with Jay Coulter on the Resilient Advisor Podcast to break down how advisors can guide couples through the emotional, cultural, and behavioral forces driving their financial decisions.
Lastly, I was featured in this CNBC article on what first steps to take after losing your job. (Uplifting, I know.)
Where should we visit next? Let us know!
Money Together is here! Order now in your format of choice.
Love it already? Leave us a review on Goodreads and wherever you purchased!
Want more Heather and Doug? Have us come talk love and money for your organization, virtually or IRL. Reach us here.
Connect with us on social: @averagejoelle + @dougboneparth
The content shared in The Joint Account does not constitute financial, legal, or any other professional advice. Readers should consult with their respective professionals for specific advice tailored to their situation. The information contained in this post is general in nature and for informational purposes only. It should not be considered as investment advice or as a recommendation of any particular strategy or investment product. This post is not a solicitation or an offer to buy or sell any specific security. Bone Fide Wealth cannot guarantee the accuracy of information from third parties.
Love this take, Doug.
The emotional side of bonuses gets overlooked. I learned the same lesson. Celebrate the win first, then decide where the money goes. The plan sticks way better when the moment gets recognized.
This is such fantastic advice. I was planning on putting the whole chunk into the kids 529s, but I feel like you just gave me permission to book a massage as well. Thank you!