Money Together with Douglas & Heather
Today is publication day - and the 100th issue of The Joint Account.
Here we are. Pub day. Money Together is officially out in the world, and we’re thrilled to share this moment with you.
We started The Joint Account with a simple idea: create a newsletter for couples who want to become more comfortable talking about money without bs, jargon, or shame. Week after week, you’ve shown up, engaged with us, and gave us the courage to keep going on “the bigger project at hand.” Now, we’re on our 100th post (!!!), the same day our book hits shelves. Honestly, it’s a milestone we really did not plan for. Fate’s gonna fate, and it’s full of surprises.
Money Together is all about communication. We don’t mean the scripted kind but real, messy talk. The kind infused with laughter and awkwardness and the occasional, “Wait, what did you mean by that?” Your life is not a spreadsheet. It’s a series of choices you make together. Our hope is that this book becomes a companion you can reach for during major life transitions and tiny moments alike to find stories, tools, and reminders that you and your partner are actually on the same team.
In the spirit of the book, we thought we’d ask each other a couple questions about the past couple of years working on this project Our conversation has been ever-so-slightly edited for clarity. Thank you for reading, sharing, challenging us, and cheering us on.
Heather: I like asking you questions, this is great. Who was your favorite couple we interviewed?
Douglas: Oh! That’s a good question. I’d have to say Camryn and Jeff’s1 story, which was so deep and rich with lessons. I like that it has us think about caregiving beyond our children and really expands the definition of what it means to sacrifices for your spouse, because you love them and their family, too. Their story comes full circle and is just one of the most beautiful in the book. They really show us how precious and beautiful life can be.
Heather: Were there any topics we explored that made you uncomfortable?
Douglas: I think the discussion around power couples came to fruition at a time you and I were really in transition from the way we used to operate, and it pointed out the level of work I needed to do. Change is always hard, but it was necessary for us to get here.
Heather: What would you say to a man—a colleague, friend, follower, fellow bro-sky—who brushes all this off as something not important to him or his family? I’m thinking of that advisor who once told us his wife didn’t need to participate in any of this because “she’d be taken care of” if he died…
Douglas: I’d ask them if they think their partner would say the same thing. In my experience with couples with money, I’ll tell you, that’s rarely the case. Men need to understand why having these conversations makes their relationship stronger, and honestly, makes them better people. So much of this is self-work before it’s even relationship work. There is so much more we can be to our families, our colleagues, our loved ones, and our spouses. Do it for them, but do it for you, too.
Heather: How do you think this book will change the way you work with clients?
Douglas: I know how much deeper I can go in planning conversations, because I have the tools to facilitate more meaningful conversations. I think it also gives me the confidence to let clients know that I am very interested in having both partners attend our regular meetings.
Heather: Are you done working on books with me now?
Douglas: YUP. The next one is all you. I’d prefer to not write Money Apart.
Okay, my turn.
Douglas: You explored and learned a lot about yourself in writing this book. How has your relationship with money changed since you started this project?
Heather: I realize now the role that shame played in not only my personal relationships but my relationship with money for far too long. Even when I was the breadwinner in our early earning years, I was still carrying messages about what I could amount to, or what I even deserved, and so much of that can be traced right back to shame. It was so heavy to unpack, but I did it over the course of writing this book.
Douglas: As a couple, how do you think our relationship with money has changed?
Heather: I think we listen to each other more now. We listen to each other’s reasoning for why we feel a certain way—not just about a purchase or an immediate expense but about our priorities and our risk appetites and where we want to be. We’ve created space for each of us to have what we want.
Douglas: What was your favorite *Doug and Heather* moment while writing the book?
Heather: Last winter, when I was waking up at 5am to write, you would put on your luxurious sweater robe and make me coffee and then vanish. You claimed to be meditating or stretching or something, but I’d always find you back in bed, and that was kind of an amusing thing.
Douglas: What are you doing later?
Heather: Like…today?
Douglas: *nods head*
Heather: Celebrating Money Together with our friends at Terrace Plant Shop in town. I’m sure I will cry at some point. Sorry in advance!
If you love our weekly musings on love, money, family, and fairness, please order a copy of Money Together today. And we’d love your thoughts once you receive it.
This week, we went viral for something completely irrelevant, which is the most on-brand thing that could possibly happen to us. How will we convince the millions of viewers of this dumb costume to buy our book?
The life of a showgirl (and boy)
How do you stop fighting with your partner over money? We shared our thoughts with CNN in this feature about Money Together!
Our dear friend Lindsey Stanberry let us bare our souls (and weekends) for an epic edition of her Division of Labor series in The Purse. I am serious: find yourself a friend like Lindsey. She is the absolute greatest.
The wonderful Paula Pant invited us on her Afford Anything podcast for a deep discussion on overcoming student loan debt, shame, and so much more.
We had an awesome convo with Brian Page of Modern Husbands all about the work/life salad that is doing everything with your partner.
Money Together is here <3
Money Together hits shelves today. If you love receiving the The Joint Account and are looking for ways to support us, here’s how:
Order Money Together now!
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The content shared in The Joint Account does not constitute financial, legal, or any other professional advice. Readers should consult with their respective professionals for specific advice tailored to their situation. The information contained in this post is general in nature and for informational purposes only. It should not be considered as investment advice or as a recommendation of any particular strategy or investment product. This post is not a solicitation or an offer to buy or sell any specific security. Bone Fide Wealth cannot guarantee the accuracy of information from third parties.
Some names, like these, are changed in the book.
Wow, 100!! Huge congrats!!