In all kinds of weather
Our work trip to Alaska showed us how people live, not hide.
Sorry we’ve been so distant. Douglas and I just returned from a week in Alaska, where we gave our Money Together keynote on financial partnership to a room of almost 100 people! What a thrill!
We’ve traveled to some beautiful places, but I’ve never been immersed in such natural beauty as Alaska. I was stunned by the enormity of it: the snow-capped mountains trickling their runoff down to the streets below; the sparkling bodies of water lining our long drives; the first green signs of an abundant summer ahead; the sun pushing golden hour late into the evening. It all felt bigger than us, in a way that’s oddly comforting in these unmooring times. Like when someone tells you to go “touch grass” to be reminded that our daily concerns are not more important than the splendor of life itself.
That was the vibe the whole time.
Douglas and I love meeting people everywhere we go. It’s our thing. We’ll talk to the couple sitting next to us at a bar, service workers at restaurants and hotels, local shop owners and people in elevators. Really, it doesn’t matter who you are. You’re not safe from us.
We were particularly interested in meeting people who live in Alaska. We wanted to understand what, or who, brought them there. What challenges they face living somewhere with different circumstances than the “lower 48.” How they spend their time. How their priorities might differ from ours.
Everyone had a story to tell.
I struck up a conversation with my masseuse at the Nordic spa. (Tbh, I was just trying to describe my pressure preference, but he took it and ran with it.) He told me he used to be a construction worker in the Midwest, but he sought out a new career and a different kind of outdoor lifestyle in moving to Alaska. He fell in love with the mountains and lives a much more intentional life now. Nice guy.
As he twisted my limbs into pretzels, I explained that Douglas and I aren’t cold weather people. Even though we live in New Jersey, the life cycle of our entire year involves hiding and running from the cold. We vacation in the winter. We stop walking the girls to school when the temperature drops below 40 degrees. We honestly don’t socialize much at all between January and March, and it’s not just us. Our entire community’s infrastructure teeters on the verge every time a snowstorm rolls through. Schools close when two inches of snow hit the ground. New Jersey Transit collapses due to “icy conditions on the Hudson River Bridge.” The message boards flood with our desperate neighbors searching for teens to come shovel their driveways, only for the town plows to come bury them back in two hours later. We’ve knowingly and tacitly accepted a kind of suburban softness that makes places like Alaska even more fascinating to me.
When I told him this, he chuckled. That’s not how life works up there. They don’t just try to deal with the cold. They are not just tolerating their circumstances—they incorporate them fully. In the winter season, they pursue snowy activities like snowshoeing, fat-tire trail biking, ice fishing, and skiing (interestingly, it seems that speed and slalom skiing for kids in Alaska is like elite club soccer where we live). In months when there’s only a few hours of sunlight per day, they make sure to get outside during that window to preserve their mental health. But in the “shoulder season” between winter and summer, when the sun stretches out until 11 p.m. and the snow trickles down into muddy piles that soon dry into dust, they are between two seasons but not two lives. They are happy for the sun and warmth, but they’re not wishing away a thing.
Maybe it was jet lag, or the spa mimosa, but during the ten minutes that my masseuse stopped talking, I started thinking about how this contrast reminds me of our work.
Many couples feel just as allergic to money as we do to snow. They are either so frustrated from past experiences or so afraid to uncover the truth that they avoid talking about it. They hide from it, their heads buried under a weighted blanket.
When the blizzard comes, because it always does, all they have to help them is a shed full of broken equipment and a bat signal to the town Facebook page, rather than a year’s worth of resources—your net worth statements, your financial plan, your communication tools, your articulated goals and values—at their disposal. Imagine how much harder that makes it to weather a storm.
When you make money a regular conversation, two feet of bad news won’t shut down your financial life. You’re living outside, in the open, not waiting for the perfect conditions. Whatever season it is.
We’re still buzzing from this whole experience. Thank you to Alaska Wealth Advisors for making us feel at home so far from home. If you’d like to see more videos and photos from our trip, head over to my Instagram.
Have you ever traveled somewhere that made you reassess your mindset or priorities? We’d love to hear from you!
The Sub Edit: Rue La La
Shoppers, this one’s for you. After trying Rue La La’s Rue365 membership program for one year, I’ve cancelled my subscription. Though I don’t typically buy into programs like these, I was shopping for a pair of discount designer shoes last summer, and the value proposition seemed to make sense: $11.99 for shipping or $30 for the first year of unlimited free shipping. I figured there was no way I wouldn’t break even on the deal; but in the end, I barely did.
For me, the discounts weren’t steep enough to warrant the impulsive nature of in-app purchasing for luxury goods, and the mid-priced stuff just wasn’t…good. Also, I admittedly didn’t realize that returning items for a full refund still costs $11.99! I won’t go as far as saying they hid the ball, but I certainly didn’t see the ball.
Au revoir, Rue La La!
Friendly reminder to our free subscribers: all new posts arrive in your inbox. After 14 days, they will be placed behind a paywall on our site. If you love The Joint Account and want complete access to our archives, a monthly AMA with us, bonus video content, and more, please consider becoming a paid subscriber.
We’re in the news
I had the pleasure of joining Nina Badzin on her excellent podcast, Dear Nina: Conversations about Friendship, to discuss some tough money conversations friends don’t always know how to navigate: group trips; splitting checks; expensive weddings and bachelorette parties…yikes! Tune in here, and subscribe to her newsletter here on Substack!
Meanwhile, Douglas spoke to MarketWatch about searching for financial compatibility on the dating scene without making it weird.
Money Together is here. If you find value in our newsletter and want to support our work, please order a copy today: Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Bookshop, or Audible (narrated by Heather!).
Love it already? PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASE leave us a review on Goodreads and wherever you purchased.
Want more Heather and Doug? Have us come talk about love and money with your organization—virtually or IRL. Reach us here.
Connect with us on social: @averagejoelle + @dougboneparth
The content shared in The Joint Account does not constitute financial, legal, or any other professional advice. Readers should consult with their respective professionals for specific advice tailored to their situation. The information contained in this post is general in nature and for informational purposes only. It should not be considered as investment advice or as a recommendation of any particular strategy or investment product. This post is not a solicitation or an offer to buy or sell any specific security. Bone Fide Wealth cannot guarantee the accuracy of information from third parties.
I loved following your trip on Instagram. So thrilled we connected and had that fantastic conversation about money and friendship on Dear Nina.
The wife and I talked to a resident who'd made it through the dark winters about those who didn't. Open abandoned cabin doors come Spring. I believe that understanding a place is years and living through one or more of their characteristic environmental/social events.