You’re halfway there (but livin’ on a prayer)
What a trip to the New Jersey DMV reminded me about half measures.
Last month, I stood in line at the DMV clutching a purple folder full of documents like my life depended on it. I was late to trade in my standard driver’s license for a Real ID. Technically, yes, I have a valid passport, so I could still fly, but Douglas had been trolling me for months that he has the “superior form of identification.” (These are the kinds of things we turn into competitions in our household, which idk, make of that what you will.) The process required multiple forms of identification: passport, utility bill, social security card…the works.
To most people, this probably just sounds like a standard pain-in-the-neck adulting task. But for me, it was a peak moment of anxiety, as this DMV had made my life a living hell in the past.
Let me set the stage. I was born in Philadelphia and grew up in New Jersey. I received my first driver’s license in New Jersey under my maiden name. I got married while living in New York City and changed my name there. When we then bought a house in New Jersey, I had to get a new driver’s license in New Jersey—this time, under my married name. But when I brought what I thought was every single form of identification they required, including our marriage certificate, they denied me, multiple times, with different answers each time.
What they ultimately made me obtain was an original birth certificate from Philadelphia, proving that I was born a Berger. The process took months, and at the time, I was mega-commuting four days a week, so every trip to the DMV required permission from my employer or a PTO day. I cried SO MANY TIMES in that parking lot, which might sound ridiculous, but with a toddler at home, the frustration of wasting my precious time off on this default-to-failure process felt wildly unfair.
So when I walked into the DMV this time, I was over prepared but bracing for it to fall apart again.
Fortunately, I succeeded. I walked out with a receipt for my Real ID, which just showed up in the mail. No tears. No drama. Just another awkward photo and a sigh of relief.
But there’s a reason I’m telling you all this. While I was sharing my DMV saga on Instagram, my DMs exploded with messages from women who had given up midway through the name-change process—either right after getting married, or somewhere in the middle of trying to update their licenses, passports, Social Security cards, and bank accounts. Many admitted they now have government-issued IDs and financial accounts in multiple names. Some said they were “just waiting until they really had to deal with it.”
Let me tell ya. That “someday” comes fast, and it rarely arrives at a good time.
Living with mismatched documents can create some major logistical roadblocks in your life. It might mean getting flagged when trying to open a bank account, executing legal documents, being delayed in applying for a mortgage, or having trouble with travel.
When you accept half measures, you are resigning yourself to the resulting chaos that will come at a moment’s notice, and it always will. We all have those annoying, frustrating to-dos that get pushed to the bottom of our lists because they’re just so hard. You don’t get the answer you need the first time (or second time), so you give up. You tell yourself you’ll deal with it later. Life gets busy. You move on. I am incredibly guilty of this when it comes to customer-service-related tasks. Whoopsies.
But when it involves something as serious as government-issued documents? Don’t mess around. Life just gets more complicated. And when you finally need those documents aligned—whether it’s to apply for a passport, refinance your home, or even prove your identity in an emergency—it’s going to be 100 times harder to untangle it all.
Obviously, this isn’t just about the DMV or name changes. I don’t care whether you change your name at all!
The big picture point here is, follow through on the hard stuff before it becomes urgent. You rarely get a warning when life throws you a moment when the paperwork matters. When it comes, you either have your affairs in order, or you don’t.
If anything, take this tale as your gentle (but firm) nudge to see that thing through. It may not be fun. It may even cause you to cry in the parking lot of a government building. But this work creates real peace of mind that your future self will thank you for.
What’s that *one thing* you’ve been meaning to take care of forever? Let us know.
You know what’s wild? Being interviewed by people who have actually read your upcoming book. You never know what they’ll latch onto, what their opinions will be, or what they’ll ask you about! It’s WILD. We love it, and we love receiving people’s early reactions to Money Together. Last week, we visited the People Inc. studios for an interview with the very best, Investopedia EIC Caleb Silver. We will share once it’s out. Thanks for having us, Caleb!
TJA in the news
Millennials have had a rough go at it, according to new census info (and Doug).
In similarly bleak news, Doug discussed with CNBC the student loan repayment options for the 1 in 5 older student loan borrowers who are severely delinquent in their repayment obligations.
Good times, y’all!
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